Divorce can be (and usually is) such a difficult process for adults, but I have seen so many children suffer as well.  I’m not saying it’s easy, but if parents can put aside their own hurt, there are some things they can do to make the process a bit easier for their children.  Here are 7 tips (RULES) for co-parenting:

1. Keep your child’s best interest in mind at all times.  Imagine you’re in your child’s shoes and think about how your actions are going to impact them.  Sometimes you won’t have a choice, but sometimes you will.  When you do, choose what will be the least hurtful to your children.
2. Don’t argue in front of your child.  I’ve had a lot of children in my office worried and upset because their parents fight.  Sometimes they even think that it’s their fault.  Please do your best not to argue in front of them.  If an argument starts, cut it off and continue the conversation when your child isn’t around.
3. Do not make your child a “middle man” for scheduling/arranging.  All arrangements for plans and visits should be made between the two adults.  Do not put that pressure on your child(ren).
4. Don’t force your child to choose one parent over the other.  Don’t ask questions like, “wouldn’t you rather be with me this weekend?” or “don’t you wish you could stay with me longer?”  It’s not fair to your child and it will only lead to hurt feelings.
5. Do not talk negatively about your co-parent in front of your child.  I know this one will be hard, but do your best.  Even if you no longer love the other parent, your child (probably) still does, so don’t bash them when your child is around.  Save that for your friends (or therapist!).
6. Do not make your child be a “spy” to get information about your co-parent.  Don’t interrogate your child about their other parent’s new significant (or anything else).  This is not fair to your child.
7. Make a plan and try to be consistent.  Children typically do best when they’ve got a consistent routine.  It’s inevitable that something will come up, but try your best to be consistent as far as visits.  This can dramatically help with your child’s ability to adjust to going back and forth between two parents/homes.

A printable version of this document can be found Coparenting Rules.