Welcome to the first of the social skills in the Social Skills Series (read Social Skills Series: Introduction to learn more about social skills and why I’m writing this series). I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that taking turns may be one of the hardest social skills for kiddos. When they like to do something, it is unbelievable difficult for them to step away and let someone else try it. I mean, honestly, it’s hard for adults too!

I’ve seen so many examples of this as a therapist and a parent. Just this morning my daughter had a play date with a sweet friend and the two of them struggled to take turns with the steering wheel on the play set. Luckily, this did not turn into major conflict for them. But a few months ago my daughter had a playdate with some school friends – there were 4 girls and only 3 balls and it got pretty rough. Yelling and “stealing” balls from someone else… eventually there were tears. Taking turns is hard!

Does your child need a diagnosis and therapy if they struggle to take turns? Absolutely not! Having difficulty with this social skills is totally developmentally appropriate. There’s no need for alarm if your child struggles to take turns while playing with others. But that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t benefit from practice!

So how do you practice taking turns? PLAY! Practice does not have to be a super boring activity. Just play something where you can practice taking turns. Some examples from my own family:

• Take turns being the preferred doll while playing with the dollhouse. My kiddo’s favorite doll and princess is Cinderella and she always wants to “be” Cinderella. Sometimes I stress the importance of taking turns and she lets me be Cinderella for a few minutes.
• Take turns while playing a board game. This is so easy – you just play like you normally would, but talk about taking turns and point out that you’re taking turns. So simple.
• We also take turns playing with the dogs and their toys – we all like to throw the toys for the dogs to fetch, but we can’t all throw it each time. This is a great opportunity to talk about taking turns and to practice.
• We also take turns while coloring or painting – when we want to use the same color, we have to take turns.

Most of these examples are things that happen in “normal” play. The difference is that we don’t normally talk about taking turns while doing it. Simply by calling attention to the social skill, and praising/encouraging your child for taking turns, it can make a world of difference.

Sometimes I’ll do something a bit different with my daughter by acting as if I refuse to take turns – I’m never mean about it, I may just say something like, “I think I want to take another turn.” Then we talk about how she would feel if I DID skip her turn. This is a great way to help kiddos develop some empathy and to understand what their friends may feel like when they don’t do well with taking turns.

Some tips for practice: Always do this when your child is in a good mood. It doesn’t usually go well if you try to practice when your child is super grumpy or after you just corrected their behavior. Also, make sure to praise and encourage them for the skill they are practicing. For example, say, “you’re doing a great job taking turns” or “isn’t it nice to take turns and play together?”

Besides practice, it is incredibly beneficial to pay attention to your child playing and correct them when they struggle to take turns. You probably can’t catch it every single time, but if you see it, walk over and talk about it! Remind them why taking turns is important and prompt them to try again!

Drop me a comment and let me know what ways you practice taking turns with your kiddos!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.