Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Resisting Peer Pressure

Next up in this Social Skills Series is Resisting Peer Pressure. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

Resisting Peer Pressure is a skill that typically doesn’t get practiced until you really need it. What I mean is, most parents don’t usually preventatively teach this social skill – it usually comes about after a child has been pressured to do something they shouldn’t, and caved in to that pressure. While this is a good skill to teach after an incident like that, I think it’s also important to practice with young kids before you know of any peer pressure issues.

(excuse me as I go down a rabbit hold here…) As I type this, I’m thinking about bullying, which is so rampant in schools these days (I know because I hear about it from my middle school clients weekly). I think there are some kids who engage in bullying behavior because they feel pressured to do so by their peers (or a “lead bully”). Now I wonder if maybe some preventative practice with resisting peer pressure practice may have decreased the likelihood of this. Bullying is such a complex issue that it’s hard to say.

So why is resisting peer pressure important? The most motivating rationale for children is that they are less likely to “get in trouble” for being able to resist peer pressure that would cause them to make a negative choice. At my daughter’s school, you get corrected if you go down the slide head first. My daughter will get in trouble for going down head first whether it was her idea or if someone else pressured her to do it. If she can resist that pressure and follow the rules, she will not get in trouble.

Another rationale is that resisting peer pressure can keep kids safe and healthy in some instances. For older kiddos, resisting peer pressure when a friend is trying to convince you to sneak out of your house in the middle of the night will help you avoid any number of disasters that might cause you harm, or may even be fatal. Or resisting peer pressure to try unknown prescription pills that are not yours at a party may prevent you from getting severely sick or even overdosing.

Will teaching and practicing resisting peer pressure with your child guarantee that they will do so in real life? Absolutely not. I wish it would, but there are no guarantees. However, it is more likely that your child will resist peer pressure if you talk about it, give rationales, and practice.

What are the steps to resisting peer pressure? When teaching any social skill to children, it can be important to practice the steps to successfully completing the skill. These can be individualized for your child/family, but here is a simple set of steps for resisting peer pressure:

  1. Look at the person.
  2. Say clearly and calmly that you do not want to do it.
  3. Suggest an alternative.
  4. If the person tries to convince you, keep saying “No.”

Like many of the social skills I’ve covered, role play is one of best ways to practice resisting peer pressure. There are all sorts of scenarios you can pretend with. Here are some examples for several different ages:

  • Resisting peer pressure to go down the slide the wrong way.
  • Resisting peer pressure to try smoking/vaping.
  • Resisting peer pressure to skip school.
  • Resisting peer pressure to sneak out of bounds on the school playground.
  • Resisting peer pressure to be sexually active.
  • Resisting peer pressure to call someone names.
  • Resisting peer pressure to steal something.
  • Resisting peer pressure to do anything without asking permission first.

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Give constructive, positive feedback to help your child get the steps to resisting peer pressure down.
  • Try to make it fun!
  • If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Julia Cook also has a really great and entertaining book to help kids learn about resisting peer pressure. When I did psychotherapy groups with elementary kids, this book was always a favorite! It’s called Peer Pressure Gauge and you can read about it here: https://www.juliacookonline.com/2018/04/02/peer-pressure-gauge/ (I am not an affiliate and receive no incentives for this).

Good luck teacher and practicing peer pressure! I’d love to hear how this went with the child(ren) in your life, if you’d be so kind as to leave me a comment.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Greeting Others

The next social skill in this Social Skills Series is Greeting Others. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

Lately, I’ve seen many “jokes” about how the younger generations aren’t learning how to interact face-to-face, because they spend so much time on devices. I say “joke” in quotation marks, because it may be a little humorous, but it’s also really sad. Devices aren’t going away any time soon, but I truly believe that we can find balance – we can be on devices AND also know how to appropriately interact with others. One such interaction is Greeting Others.

There are many great rationales for why it’s important to greet others appropriately. For one, it’s a great way to make a first impression! If you can maintain eye contact, smile, and greet someone politely while speaking clearly, you’re likely to make a good impression on the person you’re greeting. It’s a good first step towards making a new friend, a new connection, or landing a new job. Greeting others helps us connect to those around us. It also shows that you care, and can brighten someone’s day.

With social skills, it can be helpful to break the skill down into steps. You can personalize these, but here’s an example of a set of steps for greeting others:

  • Look at the person
  • Smile
  • Say a greeting (e.g. “good morning” or “hello”)

It’s very common for kids to struggle with maintaining eye contact or a hard time speaking clearly. Or both! It doesn’t mean anything is “wrong,” it just means they need some practice.

Practicing the skill of greeting others typically involves role playing. The phrase “role playing” usually makes me roll my eyes and want to run away, but when doing this with kids, it can be so fun!

  • You can put on different shirts/hats/accessories and pretend to be other people to practice greeting each other.
  • You can use different voices/accents to practice greeting each other.
  • (or combine the first two for LOADS of fun)
  • You can also practice this with dolls or stuffed animals – pretend they are greeting each other.
  • It’s also a lot of fun (and super silly) to practice the WRONG way to greet each other – running away, closing your eyes, yelling, whispering, saying “bad morning,” etc. Kids get a kick out of this. Just make sure you follow up with practicing the “right” way.

Remember to praise and reward (optional) your child when they are successful! You want to praise every time they make it through the steps to greeting others. If they aren’t successful with all steps, praise them for the ones they got right, and give feedback on the one they didn’t (this would sound like, “Wow! You did a great job of making eye contact and smiling. Let’s try it again and can you speak a little louder this time?).

If you want to, you can use any reward – my recommendation would be to use a reward for a certain number of successes. Such as, five successful times of greeting earns a reward. You can even give a sticker for each success, then give a reward when they earn a certain number of stickers. Five stickers may equal ten extra minutes of tv time (or any other reward you want to use).

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Try to make it fun! If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Good luck! Drop a comment with any other fun ideas for practicing this important social skill!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.