Posted on by khumbard87

What To Do When Your Child Is Sent Home From School For Negative Behavior

Most parents think their child would never do anything bad enough at school to get sent home, but it happens.  Kids have rough days too.  You may not be overly concerned if it’s a one-time occurrence, but unfortunately, it can snowball fairly quickly.  Why?  Because most kids would rather be at home than at school!  

I don’t want to bash schools – I know their options are fairly limited, but oftentimes sending a child home for negative behavior can turn a small problem into a big one.  Let’s look at what can (not always!) happen when a child is sent home from school for negative behavior.  The child learns that they can go home as long as they do something “bad” enough at school – being sent home is a reward.  So the child will continue acting up so that he/she can be sent home.  Then, once the school starts developing a behavior plan (IEP) in an attempt to try other interventions and prevent the child from being sent home, it’s too late!  Now the child will do whatever it takes to be sent home, even if it means resorting to behaviors more severe than when they first got sent home (this is called extinction burst).

Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of things that parents can do about school behavior and the school’s response.  Parents can use rewards and negative consequence (click here for tips on how to do so).  Parents can also do their part to reduce the likelihood that being sent home is reinforcing for a child.  So what do you need to do in order to make sure going home isn’t like a reward?

  1. Make sure your child doesn’t get a free pass to have fun the rest of the day.  Don’t let them spend the whole day in their room playing with their favorite toys.  Don’t take them on fun errands or to the park.  Make sure that they’re doing something that they don’t necessarily like during the time they’re supposed to be in school.  Let me be clear… I don’t mean stick your kiddo in a corner for 5 hours.  But consider having your child do some chores or do school work (or print out some academic worksheets).
  2. Make sure you’re not giving your child an excessive amount of attention for what happened (remember that bad attention can still be reinforcing).  Sure, you’re probably going to talk to your child about what happened and what a better choice would’ve been.  Here’s what you don’t want to happen… your child gets attention from you as you discuss the situation the entire way home, then more attention when you call his grandparent and tell them what happened, then even more attention while hearing you talk to your spouse when they get home from work, and then they get even more attention when their other parent comes to talk to them about what happened.  Cut that attention down as much as you can if you have a child who thrives on being the center of attention (give them that attention when they do something well instead!).
Posted on by khumbard87 · 1 Comment

Using Rewards and Consequences at Home to Reinforce School Behavior

It’s very, very common for me to hear from parents that their child is struggling with behavior at school, but is a great kid at home.  I’ve had a lot of frustrated parents in my office because they just don’t know what to do.  Unfortunately, there can be a lot of barriers in the school system, including teachers with too many kids in their classroom.  I’ve also heard some kids name “punishments” at school that are actually positively reinforcing their negative behavior… this isn’t necessarily because the school is clueless; sometimes what is “punishing” for one kiddo can be reinforcing for another.

So what can you, as a parent, do?  One thing you can do is use a reward or consequence at home for your child’s behavior at school.  This would require you to work with your kiddo’s teacher to somehow (phone call, email, note sent home, etc) get a message EACH DAY from the teacher about how the child’s day went.  TIP… you’re going to want to pick one or two “problem behaviors” to get feedback on – this could be aggression, compliance with schoolwork, or anything else your kiddo might be struggling with – make sure your child’s teacher knows what specifically to report on.  I’ve had a mom send a “smiley chart” to school, with the teacher’s approval, to be completed each day.  I’ve also had moms who just get a short email update from the teacher.

From there, you get to decide whether you want your child to earn something extra if they behaved well, or if they lose a privilege or earn some other kind of consequence if they displayed any negative behaviors.  A few examples:

  • Reward: Child can earn an extra 30 minutes of electronics time if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Reward: Child can earn a special after-school snack if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Reward: Child can stay up 10 minutes late if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Consequence: Child has to complete an extra chore if the teacher reports negative behavior.
  • Consequence: Child loses television time if the teacher reports negative behavior.
  • Consequence: Child has to complete an extra math/reading/writing worksheet if the teacher reports negative behavior.

Pick something that you know will motivate your child, give them a heads up about the change, then be as consistent with it as possible!  Eventually, once your child is successful, you will want to fade the consequence or reward.  So you might start offering a reward every other day instead (for good behavior on both days), then eventually just once per week (for good behavior 5 out of 5 days per week).

*Note: I’m not recommending that all parents use a reward/consequence system for school behavior… this is more for the kiddos who are struggling with something specific at school*