Posted on by khumbard87

Using Bracelets as a Reminder to Increase Praise

Old habits can be hard to break and new ones can be hard to keep up with.  I’ve heard numerous parents share that they “just don’t think about praising” on a regular basis, so it can be very hard for some caregivers to increase the frequency of praise they’re using.  But praise is so, so important!  Therefore, it’s important to do whatever it takes to retrain yourself to praise your children more often.

The “gold standard” for ratio of praise to correction is 4:1.  This means that for every behavior I correct, I should be praising my daughter 4 times.  I call this the “gold standard” because it can be extremely hard to meet.  All kinds of things can get in the way… parents are busy doing chores, paying bills, busy with multiple children, or spending time with their spouse.  So you may not meet the 4:1 ratio all the time, but it’s something to strive for.

One way to prompt yourself to praise more often is to use bracelets (or rubber bands).  There’s a few ways you can use them as a reminder:

  • You can have 5 bracelets, 4 of the same color (representing praise) and 1 of a different color (representing correction).  For example, I might use yellow for praise and green for correction.  We’re working on that 4:1 ration with this method!  Start with all the bracelets/bands on one wrist, then move them to the other wrist when you praise or correct.  So when I correct my kiddo, I move the green over to the other wrist.  Then my goal is to get all the 4 yellows moved over (by praising 4 different times) before I correct another behavior.  If you correct again before praising 4 times, just start again with trying to get 4 praise statements again before correcting a behavior (don’t give yourself an impossible task to make up the praise you missed in addition to 4 more!).
    • TIP: Start small by doing this for a small amount of time (maybe an hour?) at first.  If you haven’t been praising much, it will be exhausting to do this all day.
  • You can also set a goal for how often you want to praise in a specific time frame, then put that many bracelets on and move one over to the other arm every time you praise.  With this method, we’re just working on increasing frequency of praise!  So if I decide that I want to praise my kiddo 8 times in 10 minutes, I would start with 8 bracelets/rubber bands on one arm and move one over every time I praise, with my goal being that all 8 of the bracelets will be on the other arm when my 10 minutes is up.

Again, rubber bands are just as easy to use for this.  If you want to work on improving your ration and don’t have two different colored rubber bands, you could also mark 4 of them with “P” and 1 with “C” in permanent marker (“P” for praise and “C” for correction).  The little rubber bracelets are fairly cheap, though.  You can get a pack of 12 on amazon for $3.99.  I’m sure you can find them easily in stores too.

Remember to just do your best!  If you find it impossible to meet the 4:1 ratio, it’s Okay!  Maybe with your specific circumstances, a 3:1 ratio is more realistic.  The point is that most parents can definitely praise their children more than they do.  We’re striving for improvement, not perfection. 🙂

 

*If you need tips on praising, check out Tips for Making Praise Effective!

Posted on by khumbard87 · 6 Comments

Tips for Making Praise Effective

There are some things you can keep in mind to make the most out of when you praise your children.  Praise is great and even a simple “good job” goes a long way, but read on to learn about some useful tips to make praise as effective as possible.

  • Immediacy – praise your child for their behavior as soon as you can!  If you wait until later in the day to praise them for something they did that morning, praise won’t be as effective.  One reason is your child, depending on age, may not even remember what they did that morning!
  • Consistency – to see the quickest and biggest changes, you must try to be consistent in praising your child.  If you’re working on improving your child’s listening, then praising them each time they listen the first time they’re told to do something will be more effective than just praising every once in a while.
  • Specific – label the behavior your kiddo did that made you want to praise them.  Instead of “good job,” say, “great job listening when I told you to _____.”
  • Size – make your praise BIG if your child did well on something they really struggle with.  Your praise probably won’t be so big on a behavior that your child normally does well at.
  • Contrast – make sure your child knows you’re pleased/proud/happy by using a positive voice tone and happy facial expressions.
  • Rationales – using rationales can be effective with older children.  Let them know why it’s so important or meaningful that they did whatever you’re praising them for.  For example, “thank you for listening to me the first time; when you listen right away you can get back to playing faster!”
  • Frequency – you want to be as frequent as possible with your praise, especially if you have a kiddo who is struggling in multiple areas.  The *ideal* ratio is 4:1 – four praise statements for every correction.  However, that can feel like an impossible goal sometimes, so just do the best you can.

I have created a fun handout that can be printed and put up somewhere to help parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. remember the components of praise.  You can find the printable version here.

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Posted on by khumbard87

Vague Praise VS Specific Praise

Praise is extremely important with children if you want to shape behavior (increase the good AND decrease the bad).  All praise can be effective, but specific praise is typically more effective than specific praise.  So what’s the difference?  Specific praise includes exactly what the child is being praised for doing.  So here’s an example: when a child makes their bed without being told to do so, an example of vague (or general) praise would be, “good job!” and an example of specific praise would be, “wow! You made your bed without having to be asked!”  Both are praise and both are great, but with the second example, there is no doubt in the child’s mind what they did to make their caregiver so happy.

Vague praise can be confusing, as it can be difficult for kiddos to pinpoint what behavior they are being praised for.  Think about a child playing in the living room.  He is playing quietly, rolling the cars gently, and sharing with his brother.  Mom walks by and says, “nice job!”  The kid will likely LOVE the praise, but he might not know exactly what he’s being praised for.  For playing with cars?  For sharing?  For playing quietly?  It might be all of the above!  In this example, the mom didn’t do a single thing wrong and should be commended for praising her child.  However, being specific can make that praise more meaningful.  Mom could’ve instead said, “awesome job sharing with your brother,” “thank you for playing quietly,” or “I’m so proud of you for playing nicely together.”

More examples of specific praise:

  • “Awesome job asking first before getting a snack!”
  • “Look at you! You finished your homework without help!”
  • “Thank you for emptying the dishwasher.”
  • “Wow!  You put your shoes in the right spot!”
  • “Thank you for cleaning up your art supplies.”
  • “I’m so proud of you for helping your friend.”

Don’t get me wrong – vague or general praise is great!  It is definitely better than no praise at all.  But if you can get in some specific praise, more power to you!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed independent mental health practitioner and certified professional counselor, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.