Posted on by khumbard87

7 Tips For Success With Remote Learning

Remote learning. As my 3 year old would say… HOLY GUACAMOLE. I have so much respect for parents who are having to navigate remote learning with their child(ren). Especially those who are doing so while working a first time job!

Remote learning is coming up a lot during my therapy sessions with parents of school-aged kiddos. It’s a struggle for every family I’m working with. Every. Single. Family. The issues? Kids refusing to log in and participate. Kids having a difficult time staying engaged. Technology issues. Kids doing inappropriate things on devices (even school devices!) during school time. Kids lying about having “break time.” Kids interrupting parents who are trying to work-from-home in the same room. ALL kinds of concerns. So if you think you’re alone in dealing with these behaviors, you definitely are not!

And let’s all just take a second and think about how hard this is on our kids. Yikes. Eight year olds are not meant to spend 7 hours a day in front a screen doing “school.” Not only is sitting in front a screen all day bad, but add in that many kids aren’t seeing friends, extended family members, aren’t engaging in clubs and other extracurricular activities, and aren’t going out for “fun” (movie, bowling, skating, etc). Their whole worlds have been turned upside down. So remember to have realistic expectations and lots (LOTS!) of grace. For yourself and the tiny humans you’re responsible for.

To help with succeeding at remote learning, here are SEVEN things you can try:

  1. Set expectations and clearly communicate these expectations to your child(ren). My expectation would be that they treat their remote school learning as they would a regular school day. No getting out of your chair unless given permission, no distracting items on your desk, and no snacks except during break. Definitely no electronics (other than what is needed to complete school sessions/work).
  2. Set up a school space. This doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but have a set school space. It’s probably not a good idea to let your child do school work on their bed or on the living room floor with the television on. Have them sit at a desk or a table if possible. Try to remove as many distractions as you can. Have their supplies ready and accessible from their seat. You may not be able to anticipate every need, but do the best you can to have everything ready for their school day.
  3. Monitor your child(ren)! There are so many more distractions/temptations at home and anyone who has children knows that attention spans are a struggle. Be in the room to prompt them back to their work when needed. (Note: I’m well aware that this step may be near impossible for some parents, depending on their work situation – do what you can, cut yourself some slack when it’s not a choice for you. You are a super-parent, but there are some things you can’t control).
  4. Offer praise and small rewards throughout the day. For kiddos who are really struggling to stay engaged, offer a small reward periodically throughout the day. Maybe after each class session, depending on how their school is structured. Or once per hour (or half hour, if the struggle is really, really real).
  5. Offer a reward at the end of the day. This can either be done on its own or in addition to a small reward throughout the day. If your child stays engaged and gets all their work done, let them pick out a preferred snack at the end of the day. Or allow an extra 15 minutes of electronics time. Pick something that is motivating for them, but make sure they earn it!
  6. Use break time wisely. Most parents I’ve talked to who have kiddos doing remote learning have told me that their kiddos get break times throughout the day. Instead of letting them use that time to zone out on YouTube or lay down, get them up and moving around! This will help get energy out and help them be able to focus better when it’s time to get back to their school screen. Create a list of physical activity for them to do – jumping jacks, squats, lunges, starfish jumps, etc. Have them do a KidzBop dance video. Have them walk up and down the stairs a few times. Have them go outside and run around the house (if this is safe and the weather cooperates).
  7. Consider fidget toys and/or fidget seat. I’ve heard from all of my families with ADHD kiddos that focus is more difficult when remote learning than in class. One thing that may help your child is to have a toy (or several) to fidget with, or a seat that they can move around in. You can find several variations of the fidget seats… wiggle seat, wobble chair, etc. OR try a big medicine ball. OR, I saw a neat idea the other day where a parent turned their kiddo’s bike into a stationary bike for them to ride while they do their school work. Note: some kiddos may be extra distracted with these options, so it may take some trial and error.

Good luck! You can do it! Have any suggestions of your own or things that have worked well with your kids? Drop a comment and share!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Tips for Getting Your Child to Wear a Mask

I don’t want this to be a political post… I’m not going to say whether or not I agree with mask-wearing or whether or not I think requiring them is infringing on our freedom. That’s not what this site is for. The reality is that with the COVID-19 pandemic (which probably isn’t just going to go away any time soon), many states/schools/businesses are requiring people to wear masks when in public places. Whatever your reasons for encouraging your child to wear a mask (because it’s required or because you’re an advocate of mask-wearing), here are some tips for getting your child to wear one:

  • Wear a mask yourself. This doesn’t work for every child, but many children will be more likely to wear a mask if they see their caregivers wearing a mask. My daughter is highly motivated to wear a mask because she’s (somehow) thinks her mom and dad are pretty cool, so if we wear masks, she’s more than happy to wear hers.
  • Provide rationales/reasons. Talk to your kids (depending on age) about why it’s important to wear a mask. You don’t have to scare them, but give them just enough information to explain why wearing a mask is important. This might be, “the store won’t let us shop here if we don’t have it on,” or might be “masks help protect people from germs.” Try not to overthink it. Depending on the age of your child, knowing WHY they need to wear a mask might make them more likely to follow through.
  • Take baby steps – get them used to wearing a mask a little bit at a time. If your child is going to be required to wear a mask ALL DAY at school, or if you’re going to have your child wear a mask on a long plane ride, it’s in your and their best interest to have them “practice” for smaller amounts of time leading up to those longer periods of time. Start with 10-15 minutes and work your way up.
  • Praise and speak positively about masks. Anyone familiar with this site knows I’m a big believer in praise. It can do wonders. So praise your child for wearing a mask. Tell them they’re doing a great job. Also, talk positively about masks and mask-wearers when you’re around your child. If it’s your opinion that nobody should be required to wear a mask and masks are worthless, then great – you have the right to that opinion. AND you have the right to share that opinion with anyone you want. But I’m here to tell you that if you’re bashing masks and people who wear them while your child is within earshot, your kiddos is going to be less likely and less motivated to wear a mask if/when you need them to.
  • Make it fun. Turn mask-wearing into a sort of game… your a special kind of super hero and your mask if you “cape.” Find masks with fun prints. Turn “practice” time into a game, to see who can keep their mask on the longest. Find ways to make it fun and you’re sure to have a kiddo who enjoys wearing a mask.
  • Reward. If all else fails, offer a reward. If your child is required to wear a mask at school, let them know that they can have a favorite snack when they get home if they make it through the day with their mask. Offer a few extra minutes of screen time if your kiddo complies with mask-wearing. Do what you need to do.

Good luck! Comment with any ideas that have worked for you that you’d like to share!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Three Steps (Tell-Show-Do) for Encouraging Compliance with Young Children

Little kids, especially those under 3 years of age, can have a VERY difficult time following directions – which is completely age-appropriate!!  For one, their communication skills are developing, so they may not understand a lot of commands that are said to them.  Secondly, their attention spans are extremely short!  Also, they’re testing their independence and may show a defiant streak!

I do not believe it’s appropriate to give a negative consequence to a child for something that they don’t understand or are unable to do, due to age and development.  BUT you still want to have kiddos of all ages follow through on every task you give them.  So how do you get a child under the age of 3 with limited verbal skills to do this?  You follow 3 steps:

  1. TELL your child what you want them to do.  Keep it short – recommended length of a prompt/direction is one word per age of life (which isn’t always possible, but keep it short)!  Also attempt to be specific.  You might tell your 2-year-old to “pick up toys.”  If she doesn’t…
  2. SHOW your child what you want them to do.  If you told your 2-year-old to “pick up toys” and she looks at you, then keeps playing, get her attention again and show her what you want her to do by picking up a toy and putting it in the box.  Then repeat your prompt (“pick up toys”) and give her the opportunity to pick up.  If she doesn’t, then…
  3. DO the task with your child, hand-over-hand.  Take your daughter’s hand, pick up a toy together, and put it in the toy box.  Once you complete one part together, start over with step one by verbally repeating the prompt.

This is more of a teaching and practicing method – your goal is to help your little one understand what prompts mean, but you’re also teaching them that it’s important to follow through with what mom/dad say!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed independent mental health practitioner and certified professional counselor, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Three Steps (Tell-Show-Do) for Encouraging Compliance with Young Children

Little kids, especially those under 3 years of age, can have a VERY difficult time following directions – which is completely age-appropriate!!  For one, their communication skills are developing, so they may not understand a lot of commands that are said to them.  Secondly, their attention spans are extremely short!  Also, they’re testing their independence and may show a defiant streak!

I do not believe it’s appropriate to give a negative consequence to a child for something that they don’t understand or are unable to do, due to age and development.  BUT you still want to have kiddos of all ages follow through on every task you give them.  So how do you get a child under the age of 3 with limited verbal skills to do this?  You follow 3 steps:

  1. TELL your child what you want them to do.  Keep it short – recommended length of a prompt/direction is one word per age of life (which isn’t always possible, but keep it short)!  Also attempt to be specific.  You might tell your 2-year-old to “pick up toys.”  If she doesn’t…
  2. SHOW your child what you want them to do.  If you told your 2-year-old to “pick up toys” and she looks at you, then keeps playing, get her attention again and show her what you want her to do by picking up a toy and putting it in the box.  Then repeat your prompt (“pick up toys”) and give her the opportunity to pick up.  If she doesn’t, then…
  3. DO the task with your child, hand-over-hand.  Take your daughter’s hand, pick up a toy together, and put it in the toy box.  Once you complete one part together, start over with step one by verbally repeating the prompt.

This is more of a teaching and practicing method – your goal is to help your little one understand what prompts mean, but you’re also teaching them that it’s important to follow through with what mom/dad say!

Posted on by khumbard87 · 2 Comments

Behavior is a Choice (and How Parents Can Use This Knowledge)

It may not feel like it, but every behavior is a choice. I went into our master bathroom today and, as usual, my husband has neglected to pick up the hangers from his clothes (and for some reason this drives me crazy). Before I sighed and rolled my eyes, I thought to myself… I can either get mad about it, or I can just do it myself and move on with my day. So I picked them up and moved on with my day.

Some behaviors don’t feel like choices. When I pay my mortgage, I don’t feel like I have a choice to do otherwise. But I do! I can choose to pay my mortgage, or I can choose not to and suffer the consequences of late fees, a hit on my credit, and potentially (eventually) foreclosure and homelessness. My husband may not feel like he has a choice about employment, but that’s only because to choose not to work would mean choosing to not be able to pay bills and provide for the family.

As adults, most of us are pretty good at using our well-developed brains to think through what the consequences of each of our behaviors are. I know that if I run a red light, I might get pulled over and get a ticket. I know that if I don’t do laundry, I won’t have clean clothes to wear. I know that if I eat a bunch of junk food I feel sluggish and my face breaks out.

Children’s brains aren’t as developed and they probably have a difficult time thinking about the consequences of their actions without a reminder or repetition. That’s why consistent consequences are so important. If you are consistent with putting your child in a timeout every time they hit their sibling, it won’t take long for them to catch on that hitting = timeout. Once you know that your child is aware of the consequences of a behavior, you know that they are making the choice to misbehave even though they know there will be a consequence. This, to me and many of the parents I’ve worked with, makes discipline a little easier. It makes you, as a parent, feel less like “the bad guy.” Your kiddo knew that they had a choice to make and chose something that would lead to consequences, so they take on that responsibility.

It’s also really helpful to frame it that way to a child by telling them the choice they made, followed by the consequence. Some examples:

  • “You chose not to eat your vegetables at dinner and the consequence is no bedtime snack.”
  • “You chose to argue when told it was time for bed, so now you won’t get a bedtime story.”
  • “You chose not to complete your worksheet at school, so now you won’t have any free time until it’s completed here at home.”
  • “You chose not to clean your room when I told you to, so now you owe me an extra chore after you clean your room.”

Speaking this way let’s your kiddo know that the consequence is a result of a behavior (choice) that they made, not because you’re a “mean” mom or dad. It can also be beneficial to remind your child of their choices and consequence if they are struggling to make the right choice. If you tell your child it’s time for bed and he begins arguing, reminding him that choosing to go to bed right away results in a bedtime story, while choosing to argue results in no bedtime story, you can help him make a better choice. Granted, he may choose to argue anyways, but at least you can be 100% sure that he knew what the consequence was before making his choice.

Posted on by khumbard87

Six Tips for Increasing Your Child’s Compliance with Homework

Maybe you’re lucky and have a kiddo who sits down every day after school, with a smile on their face and does their homework. Maybe. But if you’re not so lucky and you have a kiddo who whines or complains about homework, or takes forever to do it, or refuses to do it completely, I have a few tips that might help. As always, these are general tips and may not be appropriate for you or your kiddo, depending on your individual situation. If homework completion truly is an issue, consider seeing a behavior therapist for a few sessions!

  • Be consistent.  If you want to have your child do homework as soon as they get home, go for it.  Or give them 30 minutes to relax, then have them do homework until it’s done.  Whatever you do, be as consistent with it as you can.
  • Have certain activities that have to be “earned” by doing homework.  One option would be to set the expectation that there will be no television time until homework is completed.  Pick something your child enjoys so that it motivates them.
  • Practice using calming strategies both before beginning homework and during, if they become upset or frustrated.
  • If you think your child struggles with confidence, practice positive self-statements, like “I got this” or “I can do it.”
  • FOLLOW THROUGH.  Make sure that homework gets done… if your child doesn’t complete the homework before school the next day, have them do it the next evening after their new homework.  This might seem harsh and, yes, it might keep accumulating.  But if you let your kiddo get out of doing homework just one night, they’ll know that they can get out of it in the future.
  • Praise your kiddo for completing their homework, especially if they do so without arguing or whining!
Posted on by khumbard87 · 1 Comment

Using Rewards and Consequences at Home to Reinforce School Behavior

It’s very, very common for me to hear from parents that their child is struggling with behavior at school, but is a great kid at home.  I’ve had a lot of frustrated parents in my office because they just don’t know what to do.  Unfortunately, there can be a lot of barriers in the school system, including teachers with too many kids in their classroom.  I’ve also heard some kids name “punishments” at school that are actually positively reinforcing their negative behavior… this isn’t necessarily because the school is clueless; sometimes what is “punishing” for one kiddo can be reinforcing for another.

So what can you, as a parent, do?  One thing you can do is use a reward or consequence at home for your child’s behavior at school.  This would require you to work with your kiddo’s teacher to somehow (phone call, email, note sent home, etc) get a message EACH DAY from the teacher about how the child’s day went.  TIP… you’re going to want to pick one or two “problem behaviors” to get feedback on – this could be aggression, compliance with schoolwork, or anything else your kiddo might be struggling with – make sure your child’s teacher knows what specifically to report on.  I’ve had a mom send a “smiley chart” to school, with the teacher’s approval, to be completed each day.  I’ve also had moms who just get a short email update from the teacher.

From there, you get to decide whether you want your child to earn something extra if they behaved well, or if they lose a privilege or earn some other kind of consequence if they displayed any negative behaviors.  A few examples:

  • Reward: Child can earn an extra 30 minutes of electronics time if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Reward: Child can earn a special after-school snack if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Reward: Child can stay up 10 minutes late if the teacher says they did well that day.
  • Consequence: Child has to complete an extra chore if the teacher reports negative behavior.
  • Consequence: Child loses television time if the teacher reports negative behavior.
  • Consequence: Child has to complete an extra math/reading/writing worksheet if the teacher reports negative behavior.

Pick something that you know will motivate your child, give them a heads up about the change, then be as consistent with it as possible!  Eventually, once your child is successful, you will want to fade the consequence or reward.  So you might start offering a reward every other day instead (for good behavior on both days), then eventually just once per week (for good behavior 5 out of 5 days per week).

*Note: I’m not recommending that all parents use a reward/consequence system for school behavior… this is more for the kiddos who are struggling with something specific at school*