As a therapist, I really hope that I’m full of good nuggets of information and inspiration for my clients. I think that’s a normal desire for mental health professionals. But I’m also not above using words of wisdom that originated with other therapists. 

A friend recently quoted her own therapist as saying, “focus on the what is, not the what if.” I immediately knew that this would stick with me, and that I would share it often with others, both personally and professionally. 

The idea behind the saying is not new. I often talk with clients about how unhelpful “what if?” questions can be, and have conversations every day with clients about focusing on what they can control in situations. That’s essentially what “focus on the what is, not the what if” means. Stop focusing on the “what if?” questions and think about the reality of your situation and what you can control. These are things mental health providers have been saying for years and years. However, sometimes a quote that puts things so succinctly can resonate better with people. This is similar to “Let Them,” from Mel Robbins’ book (I posted a short review of my experience reading her The Let Them Theory here). 

For those who experience higher levels of anxiety, it can be incredibly easy to focus on those “What if?” questions, and those questions are usually about something negative occurring. What if I fail this test? What if I get in an accident? What if the plane crashes? What if I get fired? What if my spouse is cheating on me? What if I get cancer?

Those questions will make you miserable. 

Here’s a “what if?” question that isn’t negative…. “What if you focus on the ‘what is’ instead?” Instead of thinking about possibly getting into an accident, turn your focus onto the reality of your situation. I’m driving on the road. My speed is 45 miles per hour. My seatbelt is on. I’m listening to the newest Brene Brown audiobook. The sun is shining. I have approximately 45 minutes until I reach my destination. Those are objective facts. And by turning your attention to those facts, you stop the spiral of what if something bad happens.

You can also take the “what is” you just identified, and ask what you can control about your current situation. Focus on the road. Two hands on the wheel. Don’t look at your phone, even for a quick peek. Be aware of other cars around you. These are the things you can control – and (bonus!) also improve the safety of your driving).

By focusing on the WHAT IS, you’ve given your brain something to focus on other than your anxiety. You’ve taken that spotlight that was on all the scary “what if?” questions and pointed it to something that will help ease your anxiety. That’s definitely a win!

Does this saying resonate with you? Is there another similar saying that you have used to help stop what if spirals? I’d love to hear them!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed independent mental health practitioner and certified professional counselor, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.