Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Standing Up For Yourself

The next social skill in this Social Skills Series is Standing Up For Yourself. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

I haven’t found “Standing Up For Yourself” or “Being Assertive” on many social skills lists, but I believe this is an important one. This is also near and dear to my heart, as my soft-spoken, mild-mannered kiddo struggles to be assertive and stand up for herself.

Some may disagree, but I think ideally, we wouldn’t necessarily need to stand up for ourselves. Wouldn’t it be nice it no one ever cut in line? Or if everyone would include and share without needing an assertive prompt? It would be nice if everyone gave good body space all the time, or if nobody every touched our things without asking. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Maybe this is ideal, but it definitely isn’t realistic. I’ve seen other kids cut in line in front of my girl, who was waiting patiently for her turn. I’ve seen other kids come and grab one of her toys without asking. As an adult, I’ve had other adults cut in front of me in line at the grocery store. Just this week, I was standing watching my daughter’s dance class and stepped away for 15 seconds to remind my girl to change her shoes. In that 15 seconds, another mom stepped into my place, so I was unable to watch any more.

When this type of stuff happens, do we HAVE to say something. Absolutely not. We have to pick and choose our battles. Honestly, this is a social skill I struggle with! I loathe confrontation and find it difficult to be assertive (now we all know where my daughters gets it…). Standing up yourself can be hard! But when we decide it’s important, it’s good to have the skill and confidence to assertively stand up for ourselves.

Why is standing up for yourself important? It builds confidence and can boost your self-esteem. It also helps build respect for yourself, and for others. It can also decrease the likelihood of people testing their limits with you (if they know you’re going to be assertive when they cut in front of you, they are likely to stop doing so).

For practicing standing up for yourself and being assertive, role-play is going to, once again, be your best option. Kids learn well by doing. Here’s some scenarios you can practice.

  • Have your child pretend they are in line for something (water fountain, bathroom, lunch line, etc.) and you can pretend to be a peer that cuts in line ahead of them. Have your child practice saying (with a strong voice) something like, “no thank you, please go to the back of the line” or “no thank you, I was in line before you.”
  • Have your child sit at the table or on the floor and play with some toys (legos, action figures, etc.). You can then walk up and take one without asking. Have your child practice saying (again, strong voice) something like, “no thank you, wait your turn please” or “no thank you, I do not want to share right now.”
  • Have your child sit or stand anywhere, then come up and sit or stand RIGHT next to them – invading their body space. Have your child practice saying (strong voice) something like, “body space please” or “please give me space.”
  • Have your child sit or stand, then walk up and call them a name (I don’t like to use “real” bad names, I like to use funny labels, like “fluffernutter” or something that isn’t actually mean). Have you child practice saying (strong voice) something like, “please don’t call me that” or “I don’t like when you do that,” or “no thank you, my name is _____.”

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Try to make it fun!
  • If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Good luck! Can you think of other situations to practice? If so, please share in the comments!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Sharing

The next social skill in this Social Skills Series is Sharing. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

Sharing is not fun for kids. Just about every kid I’ve known or worked with struggles to share. Adults struggle to share too. Why? When we like something, we want it for ourselves and we don’t want to have to wait and watch while someone else uses it. My daughter loves to play dolls with others, but she almost never lets someone else play with her favorites. Another example, if I’m being transparent, is that I do not like to share my chocolate (that I bought just for me) with others. I still share, but it is hard!

Should we be forcing children to share? That’s difficult and there are many who would say “yes,” and many who would say “no.” I’m of the opinion that we should encourage sharing, but not force it. If you disagree with me, that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and, honestly, I can see benefits of both sides. Whether or not you think sharing should be forced, it’s important to talk about sharing, provide rationales, and practice.

What are rationales for sharing? One of the most motivating rationales is that if you share with others, they are more likely to share with you. Another rationale is that others are more likely to want to be your friend if you share with them. A third rationale is that it usually helps others feel happy when we share.

A great way to introduce social skills to kiddos is with a book. I love the Berenstain Bears series (have since I was a child!) and The Berenstain Bears Learn to Share is a great way to introduce sharing. Click here for more information (I make no money off sharing this with you). I’ve seen this being read aloud on YouTube as well, so you can search for it there and let your kids watch/listen.

You can practice sharing with just about any fun game, toy, or object. You can practice sharing a single set of crayons/markers, and ask if your kiddo will share specific colors with you. While playing with dolls, you can ask your child to share their preferred doll, by letting you play with it for a few minutes. You can also share snacks, by giving your child a snack, then asking them to share half. Practice sharing play dough, practice sharing a fork at lunch time, practice sharing a ball while playing outside, practice sharing legos, practice sharing a tablet, practice sharing a paintbrush, practice sharing a kite… there are lots of options!

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Try to make it fun!
  • If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Good luck! Drop a comment with any other fun ideas for practicing this important social skill!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Respecting Personal Space

The next social skill in this Social Skills Series is Respecting Personal Space. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

Let’s admit it… most kids are not great with respecting others’ personal space. My daughter sometimes tries to kiss her friends on the lips when saying “goodbye”! I have also had kids that I hardly know, come up to me at the park and sit on my lap or hold my hand. And have you seen how closely some kids stand in line next to other kids? I’ve seen kids with noses right up against the backs of the person in front of them.

Most kiddos don’t seem to mind having other kids up right next to them, but eventually they will need to learn how to give appropriate body space. Can you imagine if I stood an inch behind the person in front of me at the grocery store checkout line? Or if an adult walks up to a stranger adult at the park and tried to hold their hand? Honestly, thinking about it makes me laugh and I think someone out there should do some sort of social experiment… or likely someone already has (if you know about one, link it in the comments for me for entertainment purposes!).

So why is it important to respect others’ personal space? For one… germs. It’s easier to spread germs to others when you’re standing or sitting right up next to them. The kids I know don’t really care about germs, so another rationale is that it will be easier to make and keep friends if you can respect others’ space. Some kids really don’t like others being close to them, so will be “turned off” by someone who invades their space. Others will be more comfortable around you if you respect their personal space.

A great way to introduce social skills to kiddos is with a book. Julia Cook has an amazing book called Personal Space Camp (click here for more information) that introducing this social skill. It’s a super fun, entertaining book for kids.

You can decide how much “space” your child should give others. I’ve heard some parents explain that kids should pretend they have a hula hoop around them, and make sure they stay far enough away that others’ aren’t inside that hula hoop space. I usually just say to keep an arms length away from others. For a fun way to illustrate this, you can have your kiddo put their arms out, then spin around slowly in a circle.

To practice personal space, you can either do some role-play, or use inanimate objects to practice. You can pick different social situations (waiting in line at the slide, walking through hallways, sitting in a circle, dance party, etc.) and practice giving appropriate personal space for those situations – either with yourself or with stuffed animals/dolls/action figures. You can practice asking for “more body space please” when the person (or stuffed animals) you are practicing with stands too closely to you.

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Try to make it fun!
  • If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Good luck! Drop a comment with any other fun ideas for practicing this important social skill!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.

Posted on by khumbard87

Social Skills Series: Greeting Others

The next social skill in this Social Skills Series is Greeting Others. If you need a reminder on what social skills are and why they’re important, read Social Skills Series: Introduction.

Lately, I’ve seen many “jokes” about how the younger generations aren’t learning how to interact face-to-face, because they spend so much time on devices. I say “joke” in quotation marks, because it may be a little humorous, but it’s also really sad. Devices aren’t going away any time soon, but I truly believe that we can find balance – we can be on devices AND also know how to appropriately interact with others. One such interaction is Greeting Others.

There are many great rationales for why it’s important to greet others appropriately. For one, it’s a great way to make a first impression! If you can maintain eye contact, smile, and greet someone politely while speaking clearly, you’re likely to make a good impression on the person you’re greeting. It’s a good first step towards making a new friend, a new connection, or landing a new job. Greeting others helps us connect to those around us. It also shows that you care, and can brighten someone’s day.

With social skills, it can be helpful to break the skill down into steps. You can personalize these, but here’s an example of a set of steps for greeting others:

  • Look at the person
  • Smile
  • Say a greeting (e.g. “good morning” or “hello”)

It’s very common for kids to struggle with maintaining eye contact or a hard time speaking clearly. Or both! It doesn’t mean anything is “wrong,” it just means they need some practice.

Practicing the skill of greeting others typically involves role playing. The phrase “role playing” usually makes me roll my eyes and want to run away, but when doing this with kids, it can be so fun!

  • You can put on different shirts/hats/accessories and pretend to be other people to practice greeting each other.
  • You can use different voices/accents to practice greeting each other.
  • (or combine the first two for LOADS of fun)
  • You can also practice this with dolls or stuffed animals – pretend they are greeting each other.
  • It’s also a lot of fun (and super silly) to practice the WRONG way to greet each other – running away, closing your eyes, yelling, whispering, saying “bad morning,” etc. Kids get a kick out of this. Just make sure you follow up with practicing the “right” way.

Remember to praise and reward (optional) your child when they are successful! You want to praise every time they make it through the steps to greeting others. If they aren’t successful with all steps, praise them for the ones they got right, and give feedback on the one they didn’t (this would sound like, “Wow! You did a great job of making eye contact and smiling. Let’s try it again and can you speak a little louder this time?).

If you want to, you can use any reward – my recommendation would be to use a reward for a certain number of successes. Such as, five successful times of greeting earns a reward. You can even give a sticker for each success, then give a reward when they earn a certain number of stickers. Five stickers may equal ten extra minutes of tv time (or any other reward you want to use).

Some TIPS for practicing this social skill:

  • Practice when your child is calm/in a good mood. Practice will probably not go well if your child is grumpy or just got in trouble for something.
  • Make sure to praise you child!
  • Try to make it fun! If your child becomes uncooperative at any point, just end the practice and revisit it later.

Good luck! Drop a comment with any other fun ideas for practicing this important social skill!

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.