Transitions are hard for most kids.  Most kiddos I’ve known and worked with struggle the most with transitioning from electronic use.  When told to turn off the tv/tablet/phone/video game, they are NOT happy.  Any favorite activity that comes to an end can lead to an incredible amount of emotion.  My kiddo’s hardest transition is saying goodbye to grandparents she is having fun with.   

This is all normal.  It’s normal to be sad, or disappointed, or mad, or frustrated that a preferred activity is ending.  For most children, it’s important to show some empathy (“I know it’s hard to say goodbye to grammy and papa”) and a firm repeat that it’s time to go.  Or help leaving, if they need to be carried or led with hand-holding.

However, if your child is throwing a tantrum or engaging in behavior that is distressing to you, it may be time to go a little further.  You have the options of positive or negative consequences.  I’ve often rewarded my daughter with fruit snacks (positive consequence) if she listens without arguing or whining when told it’s time to go.  You could also use a time-out or removal of privileges (negative consequences) to motivate your child.

The intent of this post, though, is to focus on PRACTICE.  Accepting decisions is a social skill, and practicing this social skill will help your kiddo be more successful in real life.  So how to practice?  There are a lot of options, and you can personalize it to what your child struggles with the most.  Here are some steps to help:

1)      Pick a preferred activity that your child struggles with.

2)      Decide what your practice structure (how long the preferred activity will last, what your child “should” do when told it’s time, and what reward they will earn for success) will be.

3)      Tell your child everything from step 2 BEFORE giving them the preferred activity.

4)      Have them start doing whatever they love to do.

5)      Once the time you decided is over, tell them it’s time to be done.

6)      Listen and watch their response.

7)      Praise them for a job well done, OR provide constructive feedback.

8)      Try again!

An example:

1)      I decide my child struggles with turning the tv off, so this is what I want to practice.

2)      I decide that my child will watch tv for 3 minutes, then will need to say “okay” and turn the tv off right away when I tell her it’s time.  If she does so, she can have a chocolate chip.

3)      I tell my child everything from step 2.

4)      I set her up watching tv.

5)      After 3 minutes, I tell her it’s time to turn the tv off.

6)      I listen to her say “okay” and turn it off right away.

7)      I praise her enthusiastically and give her a chocolate chip as a reward.

8)      We continue practicing.

Remember to make your praise big when your child is successful at practice.  Make the practice fun for them!  

One very important note is that you should ONLY PRACTICE WHEN YOUR CHILD IS CALM.  Actually, it’s a good idea to make sure BOTH of you are calm.  It is not a great idea to practice transitions in the middle of your child’s tantrum.  Practice will not go well if your child is escalated – you’ll both just end up frustrated.  Instead, wait until they are in a decent mood.  If at any point your child is becoming emotionally escalated during the practice, just say something like, “it seems like now isn’t a good time, but we can try again later.”  If you find your child becoming consistently escalated, consider increasing the reward/praise, or consider how you might make the practice a little easier for them.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed mental health therapist, but I am not your therapist. The information in this article is for general informational purposes only. This article does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need specific recommendations based on your individual circumstances, please consult with a mental health practitioner near you.