Negative consequences can be difficult for caregivers to use and follow through with.  Few people actually want to discipline their children, and negative consequences can be inconvenient for caregivers.  These, perhaps, may contribute to a parent using warnings with children.  I’m sure these examples will sound familiar, as most adults have probably used warnings with their own kids, heard other parents use warnings, or heard warnings as a child from their parents.

• “Do you want a timeout?”
• “I’ll give you to the count of 3 to stop.”
• “If you do that ONE more time, you’re going to be in trouble.”

Sure, these “warnings” might sometimes work to change behavior, but using warnings with children have some drawbacks.

1. Your child may not take the warning seriously, which means they won’t be motivated to change the behavior.  If a parent uses warnings without a lot of follow through, the child won’t take the warnings seriously.  The child sees the warning as an empty threat.  The last time I was pulled over for speeding, all I got was a warning.  Trust me, I’m grateful for that, but it didn’t do much to change my driving speed.
2. Your child may come to expect a warning each time they choose a negative behavior, so behavior won’t change long-term.  If a parent gives a child one warning every day for the same behavior, the kiddo is basically getting a free pass to behave that way once per day with no negative consequence.  If I knew that I would only get a speeding ticket if I was pulled over twice in one month (and only get a warning for the first time each month), I would only be concerned about speeding if I’d already gotten my warning for the month.  But as soon as the 1st of the month came, I’d be back to speeding again because I knew I’d get a warning first.  If you have a parent who counts to 3 (or higher) before issuing the consequence, you’re essentially giving them a few seconds to do whatever they please, because they don’t have to stop right away, just as long as they stop by the time mom or dad gets to 3!

Instead of using warnings, issue the negative consequence as soon as the behavior happens.  This is called immediacy and is one of the important factors in making consequences effective (see Tips for Making Consequences More Effective).  Nobody is perfect, lots of amazing parents use warnings on occasion, but being aware of the drawbacks may help you to reduce the number of warnings you use (and go straight to issuing a negative consequence)

If you’ve been using lots of warnings and suddenly begin issuing consequences without warnings, be prepared for an angry child who thinks it’s “not fair.”  My opinion is that once your child knows a behavior is unacceptable, earning a consequence is their choice (see Behavior is a Choice (and How Parents Can Use This Knowledge)).  They can choose acceptable behavior or they can choose unacceptable behavior and the consequence that comes with it.  Motivating children to choose acceptable behavior will happen a lot faster if you skip the warnings!